Light in darkness
By Ian Cowie (Chaplain 1976-88)
The writings here are not meant to be ordinary poems. They are 'lines of thought', in which each line is there to set off a train of thought. What matters is not what you read here, but what goes on in your own mind when the printed line runs out. If you are in the dark just now, perhaps following some of the lines here will set you on the road to light again.
Light in darkness
Passing through darkness, deep darkness,
I thought I was alone ... nobody seemed to be with me.
Even those closest to me seemed to have light
while I stumbled on in darkness,
a darkness which seemed to have no end.
Then a stray beam of light shone in the darkness,
shone for a moment and was lost.
Yet in that moment it revealed a face,
a Face I knew but dared not name.
Someone was beside me in the darkness,
Someone is sharing it with me
I know that I am not alone.
When the darkness passes and the light dawns, as I know it will,
I shall see the marks of the nails in his hands,
and traces of bloody sweat on His brow.
The Face beside mine in the darkness is not afraid,
He has been this way before,
He knows it well.
Though I have forgotten so much,
He has not forgotten His word:
"When you pass through the depths I will be with you.
I will not fail you nor forsake you.
Fear not, ... I am with you".
New Birth
(John chapter 3)
For somebody who needed to make a new beginning.
I have lived all my life
under the shadow of other people.
But now I shall stand on my own
in the light of God's love.
Constantly comparing myself with others
I have crippled my soul.
But now I shall be myself. as God made me,
and my soul will begin to grow straight again.
My mind is clogged with other people's ideas
about God, about goodness and about life.
But now I have a mind of my own.
and it is between God and me from now on.
I shall make mistakes. I'm not sinless.
But God and I will deal with that.
Since God forgives,
let others condemn if they want to.
Tying myself in knots,
nobody was able to love me.
I am finding myself, so that. I can forget myself,
and love will begin to flow again.
Heavenly Father, I think I'm being born again!
I feel shaky and hesitant
But at least I know that I'm going to start living,
and you are making all things new,
even me!
Resurrection and Life
Brother Robert Schutz said,
that life "is a succession of little deaths
followed by the beginnings of a resurrection".
Blessed be God
for all the little deaths that I have died,
for the accident which taught me the frailty of my flesh,
for the operation which faced me with my mortality.
for the broken love-afffair which turned my heart to stone,
for the bereavement which emptied my life of meaning.
Blessed be God
for each beginning of a resurrection,
for the discovery of the strength of the spirit in this flesh,
for the awareness of undying love holding me firmly,
for the re-kindling of a new and purified love,
for the revelation of a universe filled with the Glory of God.
Blessed be God for all the little deaths that I have died,
Blessed be God for each beginning of a resurrection.
Blessed be Cod for all whose hands were raised to wound me,
Blessed be Cod for all who shared in resurrecting me.
In dying and in being resurrected I face the future.
I will not shut my heart
against the crushing load of the world's sin and sorrow.
Christ will bear me up.
I will not turn away from the one who wounds me,
Christ will heal us both.
I will embrace that which kills me,
Christ uses it to bring me home.
Blessed be God for resurrection and for life.
Heart-Cry
When I was a baby I learned two lessons:
You get attention by 'being good', ... but also by 'being bad'.
As a child my efforts to be good failed to register,
And so the conclusion was obvious.
As an adult my family take my 'goodness' for granted,
My attempts to please are exploited, my protests ignored.
I cannot scream and rage any more so I get, depressed.
I'm afraid that I might do something really had ... even suicide.
My body found a way of getting regular attention,
But now my doctor wearies and my family have heard it all before.
I fear
that nothingness
is round the corner.
Is there no answer?
I AM your answer child.
Before the world began I cherished the thought of you.
In the womb I watched you grow, I rejoiced at your birth.
Through childhood my special angels guarded you.
In one heart after another I sought to kindle your love for me.
In the secret place of your soul I have never ceased to work.
In your sorrows and hurts I was afflicted, in your joys I rejoiced.
By your sins I was wounded, I counted them all as my own.
Each hidden victory set heaven dancing with delight,
Each defeat registered more deeply than you have ever dreamt.
Every detail of your life, the very hairs on your head,
matters to me,
And what I have planned for you is beyond your imagining.
No need to attract my attention, only to discover it.
Find your comfort in me and Lake the pressure off your family.
Your religion has been part of your 'good child' act,
But now we must enter into communion, you and I.
When my love shines out of you, others will be drawn to you.
You will forget yourself as you respond to them.
I AM
Listen child,
fear not,
life is round the corner.